As I am writing this, I feel a tad dizzy from excitement – the anxiety that struck earlier vanished with no trace and I am now engulfed in gratitude and relief. This was the day I once dreamed about since I was a child, only, a few (okay all) details altered – like how I thought the man I love would be genuflecting in his one knee before me, with a diamond ring clasped in between his fingers, preferably during sunset. But as years grow by, reality seems to kick in and I realized, all I wanted was the day to be filled with people who mattered, short and simple, and the outcome is the same nonetheless : I am now engaged to the man I have loved for eight years now.
A year back, the thought of getting married made me sick and nauseous, and I remember having to gasp for air every time Farrace brought up about marriage and I knew I was not at all prepared for this life to come. Isn’t it amazing how things happen anyway despite how strongly you felt against and when it finally happens, you would have not wished for it to happen any other way? Every inch of today was perfect. I woke up today feeling anxious about everything, my heart sunk low and i felt numb. Without much thought given, I put on my makeup, put on the baju kurung I had worn countless times, surreptitiously hoping that this day would go on swimmingly. And seeing how both parents from each side simply fit in together is simply heartwarming. It was intimate, informal, and filled with joy and laughter. There was no segregation or expectation of how things should be or how a person should act and that was lovely.
I am now writing this with a ring on my finger and it is hard to believe that I am so close to being someone else’s wife. When my future mother-in-law graciously slid the ring into my finger, my mother began to sob, my father held back his tears but his sadness was conspicuous, and I knew in my heart, it was too much for him. Mom always said, he was always so proud of me ever since the day I was born. If he could, he would keep me under his armpit for the rest of his life. He would parade me around as though I was some sort of a trophy that needed to be shown off and seeing how his little girl is now an old fart is something really hard for him to handle. He was always against the idea of me marrying young, and it was a miracle and indeed God’s work (and mother’s incessant jabs) that he finally agreed to let me continue with this journey when my now, fiancé had asked him for my hand in marriage. My parents mean the universe to me and it is such a relief that I have a partner that understands that.
I have been welcomed into a family that is kind and wonderful and what more can i ask for?
And so, today is the beginning of a new chapter. I now have to spend a crazy amount of time on Pinterest to plan for my wedding ; wedding dress, decorations, food and I hope and pray that when the day comes, it will be just as perfect as today was.