Looking back, a lot has happened, a lot has changed. Within a course of one year, I can’t believe I am in a position where I thought I’d never be. For a long time, it felt so much like I was floating in the midst of the ocean, braving through one day after another, yearning for the time that I could at least see the land again. Every shred of confidence in me vanished into thin air and every time someone had asked me “How’s life?”, it pushed me further into the mid sea.
When I was little, I had these plans set out before me. I would graduate by twenty-three, be financially stable by twenty-five, get married by twenty-eight. It seemed easy. But I did not anticipate the journey throughout – the sleepless nights, the letdowns, the failures, the heartbreaks. I thought I knew what I wanted to do in life. Do I regret it? Perhaps not. They say you cannot put a price on experience but if someone had told me that I had that much to lose, I would have not taken the leap. And now I am wondering if it was all worth it? Maybe so.
And now, thinking back, I am very much certain that God did have better plans for me. The best I could possibly imagine. Everything makes so much sense now. I can now see why some things do not work out despite how desperate you wanted it to be at that time. I am glad it did not work out. I am glad that I had to lose something in order to gain something better. I just did not know it then. Some days, I remember of those awful nights I cried myself to sleep, talking to God and hoping He would listen to my pleas, and as I stand here today, I have never been more certain that He did.
I honestly do not know where this is heading, but it is always nice to reminisce about the past, to keep in touch with a part of yourself, the person you once were as a somewhat remembrance to be better and to see that no matter how insurmountable your problem is, just remember you once felt the same way and you survived anyway.